Written by M.Blazoned, originally published on her blog. You can follow her on her Facebook page.
Feel free to leave your stuff wherever you want this summer. Half drunk smoothies in the family room? No problem. I got it. Socks in the hall. Im on it. Dishes in the sink? Keep em coming. Legos? Everywhere? Love it. Oh, and feel free to drag your blankets all over the house and abandon them the moment you no longer want them. Ill fold them lovingly for you and return them to your rooms.
And doors? Shutting them is optional. Im right behind you, so, seriously, dont worry about it. I love when the wasps get in and the air conditioning gets out. Who are we to be sequestered in our climate controlled house? Open door policy in this house. We have endless money.
And its totally fine to leave your wet bathing suits and towels on any surface from the floor to the banister. I love heaps, but be creative! Oh, and putting them on painted wood surfaces is the best. Ill grab them so they dont warp the wood. Youre busy. Stop. Get back to your Netflix. Friends is not going to binge watch itself.
And let me know when you are hungry. Dont be encumbered by normal meal times. And please dont coordinate with each other. The kitchen is open 24/7 and Im happy to whip up anything you need, whenever you need it. I majored in short order cooking.
And if you make something yourself, just leave every single item exactly where you last needed it. Milk, too. If it goes badIll just buy more. Money? Please. Ill just work more. And I got the clean-up. I will walk in your footsteps and put things away. Its fun for me to live vicariously through your cooking. Like, wow, how did they get so much shredded cheese on the counter? Impressive.
And every time you are thirstyget a new glass. We have tons. And a dishwasher I love to load and unload. And, as far as I know, endless electricity and water. The world is our oyster.
And if something comes up with your friends? Im in. Ill drive you there or back, or hell, both. I mean, I have a car and a license. I should put it to good use. And please, no need to give me any advance notice. I can easily stop whatever Im doing, even work, to take you. I know how valuable your time is. Need some money for the movies? You got it, kiddo.
And to the little one, when you feel like it, Ill take you to the pool. Before we go, you can complain and squirm while I put on your sunscreen. Dont hold back. Just be you. Express how youre feeling. It is cold, isnt it? I love the challenge of when you inch away slowly as Im applying it. Good stretch for my arms and back. Kind of you to think of me.
And just one thing on goggles. Im on it. Dont bother to keep track of yours. Ive made it my summer mission to know where your goggles are at all times (in the carleft sidewedged in between the seats). At night, Im sleeping with them under my pillow. We cant be too careful. How will you swim without them?
Just a few last minute housekeeping items: Eye rolling? Yes! I love the immediate feedback of my thoughts and ideas. How else can I gauge if Im pleasing you or not? Showering? Optional. You know whats best. I defer to you. Wearing a hat? No way. The more sun the better. Chores? Just tell me when its a good time for you. The weeds and messes arent going anywhere.
One last thingplease always wear your headphones so that you cant hear me when Im talking to you. Communication is totally overrated. Little known fact about me? I love yelling things at the top of my lungs three or four times with no response. Its very cathartic. Look it up.
Well, call me crazy, but if you guys follow all of these guidelines, I think this summer is going to be a win for all of us.
Or if you dont understand sarcasm, you wont make it to the end of August. Either way
Love you guys.
-The Default Parent